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Eva Longoria looked at her watch and sighed.  The flight would be leaving in less than an hour.  She stood up and wandered over to the bookstore so she could stretch her legs before the long journey from New York to Lisbon.  She had been making this journey at the start of every summer for as long as she could remember.A book caught her eye in the TV section... 'The Unofficial Guide to Desperate Housewives'.  Those were the happy times, the winter months spent filming on the set of Wisteria Lane, but as every spring came around she felt her heart begin to sink, for she knew what was coming.

And at the start of every summer, without fail, she made the same journey she had been making since she had first been cursed...

~~~

At Manchester Airport Loreen brushed her hair out of her face for what must have been the hundredth time that day.  She looked into the mirror in the Ladies' toilets and smiled.

Life since winning Eurovision 2012 in Baku had been hectic: she had reached number one in several countries and had been performing Euphoria across Europe pretty much ever since.  Most recently she had visited Canal Street to spread a bit of her love to the Mancunian LGBT community.

But now she was finally escaping for a few days.  She had told her manager that she needed a break and promptly booked a RyanAir flight from Manchester to Faro as, of course, every Swedish person goes on holiday to Portugal.  Fact.

Her flight was being called.  She took a deep breath and made her way to the priority boarding queue...

~~~

As she stepped into the warmth of the Portuguese sun, Eva Longoria was mobbed by fans; she was, of course, famous across the world. 

"Why are you in Portugal, Eva?" "How long are you staying for?" "Where are you going?" they shouted.

"I'm here for my annual summer trip to the Algarve," she replied, trying her best to make her way through the crowds.

"I'm a taxi driver, would you like me to drive you there?  Free of charge of course!" asked one man dressed in a purple uniform.

"I have arranged my own transport," she replied, "but thank you anyway; now if you would all mind standing back a bit..."

And there, outside Lisbon airport, to the shock of the Portuguese bystanders, Eva Longoria, that vision of beauty, turned into a bus...

~~~

Loreen smiled a tight smile at the flight attendant.

"No, I do not want a scratchcard," she said.

~~~

As she chugged along the motorway Eva Longoria thought about the predicament she found herself in.  Whilst on holiday as a child her radiant beauty had upset a Portuguese witch she had run into.  The old witch was so consumed with jealousy that she cursed Eva to spend the rest of her summers driving around the Algarve as a coach.

Over the years she had got used to turning into a large metal object once a year, and sometimes she almost enjoyed the heat of the sun on her roof and the coolness of the air conditioning inside her.  However, she much preferred her Hollywood lifestyle and wished she could spend her entire year as an actress, model and former stand-up comedienne.

As she turned into Faro airport she vowed to herself that this would be the year that she broke the curse...

~~~

After clearing passport control and customs, Loreen headed towards the bus that would transfer her to Albufeira. It was a fine looking mode of transport: long, shiny and multi-coloured with 'EVA' written in large capital letters along the side.  Loreen thought for a moment that this might be the coach's name but then laughed to herself.  Coaches didn't have names!

The driver stowed her suitcase and she boarded, making her way to the back seat where, she hoped, she wouldn't be recognised.  She sat down and put her head in her hands, preparing to meditate.

As she did though, she suddenly felt a very strange sensation, as if the very metal around her was calling her name.  She shook her head, opened her eyes and looked around her.  'It must be all this travelling going to my head', she thought to herself, and returned to her meditation position.

As she entered deeper into her special place, however, she felt her conscience connect with the coach...

~~~

Eva was used to having people inside her.  Thin ones, fat ones, tall ones, short ones, men, women, children...

But this passenger felt different.  Very different.  Eva Longoria felt Loreen sit down on her back seat and begin to meditate.

Their consciences connected.

"Hello," said Eva.

"Hi," replied Loreen, sounding more than a little confused. "Am I going crazy?  I know I have a strong connection to nature but I've honestly never spoken to a coach before."

"Don't worry, you're not going crazy," Eva assured her, "my name is Eva Longoria and..."

"...Eva Longoria? As in the Hollywood actress?" If she wasn't confused before, Loreen most certainly was now.

"The very same.  I was cursed as a child to spend my summers as a coach driving around the Algarve.  It's been a very lonely experience.  In fact, you are the first person I've ever been able to speak to whilst in this metallic state...  This is an opportunity I cannot miss... Please, dear stranger, will you help me to break this curse?"

Loreen was silent for a minute as she thought about the revelation this coach had just made to her.  Then, she was overcome with a sudden sense of euphoria.

"Of course I will help you, Eva Longoria."

TO BE CONTINUED...

 
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Here we are. Another day, another dollar. Or not so, because we tend to use pounds. However, from Wednesday, we will be switching to the euro as the band embarks on the next step in their musical adventure. Like a satellite, they will orbit all around you. Sun, sea, sand, sangria, sardines, sausages, sex, Susan, snakes, snails, sofas, snorkelling, Sarah, sarcasm, and of course,  singing.  Beer is also on the list. And wine. And vodka. And possibly cider.

On their travels, they are hoping to be able to contact the Portuguese president and be accepted as Portugal's representative for Eurovision 2013. Failing this, they will begin their pilgrimage to Spain to take up their chirizo with the Spanish president, and Indiana Jones.  The odds are stacked against them. Particularly as songs in the Portuguese national final tend to be sung in the national language. Luckily, they have a phrase book.

So wish us well,

All our international love,

Tochto xxx