There is a reason for this equestrian entry. That reson being in that Bonnie got back. Sipping her juiceand gin, she kicked back in to the bull bar of Toni's white rusting Land Rover. "Umphh" Toni moaned, " This is my prized posession you silly cow!" Bonnie looked Toni in the eye and said "Say what you want about the Spice Girls, but they did have some good songs".Toni couldn't argue with that. Toni had been busy preparingwith Tochto. Whoopsies, I mean Tochto Le, for Eurovision 2014. "My orificies are expelling Dani Internationals postal stamps" Toni said to Bonnie. Well, Bonnie was perplexed. "Toni, I'm representing The UK this year in Eurovision!". Toni grabbed Bonnie, threw her onto the roof rack and sped back to Stockport to tell Tom and Christine the news.

Obviously, Tom already knew and felt insulted that Toni had thought he may not. Christine did not know but after Toni and Tom had sang a few renditions of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart', Christine was well informed. "Hes being a little horror", Tom said pointing at Lenny. "My filling fell out" Lenny moaned, and that was that.

A little known fact is that Bonnie Tyler is also a qualified dentist.  After sorting Lenny's filling out, polishing Tom's coffee stains, extracting Christine's wisdom teeth and making a mould of Toni's jaw, she lit a cigar and lay out in front of the fire.  Now was the time to reveal her secret to Tochto.

"This isn't the first time I've heard of you guys," she purred, in her bonny Welsh accent. "In fact, my Eurovision entry, 'Believe in me',is written about you guys... about getting the country to believe in you next year... I'm merely filling the gap in between Engelbert's egotistical environmental endoscopic elementary eventual entry and Tochto's 2014 victory."

Toni smiled.  "Bonnie Tyler, 12 points," she said.

Back at the home hub, Toni and Tom had just about finished covering Christine's entire bedroom with photographs of the trio in Speedos, bikinis and surfer shorts from their various holidays over the years; there was a particularly fetching one that served as the centrepiece of the collage in which the trio were wearing their leopard-print mankinis and bending over a plastic table chewing on halloumi.
"And that is that," breathed Toni as she slapped the last bit of paste onto the wall, "a collage fit for a foreign ambas... I mean a princess!"
"What? You were going to say foreign ambassador?!" interjected Tom, "Toni, why exactly has Christine been in Europe?"
"Well, it was supposed to be a secret, but the fumes from this paste have got me high, and I feel I should share," said Toni.  "Christine hasn't been on a leisure holiday... she's been on a business trip to organise the European branch of the political wing of Tochto in order to get us some well-deserved votes from the Eastern bloc in Eurovision 2014!"
"Well that's tickety-boo!" sang Tom into an inflatable microphone he found under Christine's bed, "but why on earth did you want to keep it a secret?"
"Well," sighed Toni, "her methods are somewhat... unconventional..."

Christine leant back, scratched herself and then scratched Boris Johnson behind the ears.
If Gail Platt the customs official had caught her, the whole European trip would have been in vain.  Gail and Christine had a history, but the less said about that the better.  Luckily, she had manage to drag Boris, her lemons and her suitcases into a taxi and she was well on her way back to the home hub.
Boris was gently squeezing her lemons and she was feeling thoroughly satisfied. What a successful trip! The president of Albania had been... well... suitably impressed, and she was sure she had secured enough votes for an eventual Eurovision victory.  Who said the contest wasn't about politics?
As the taxi pulled up outside the house she looked forward to filling Tom and Toni in on her European adventure, but that sense of impending excitement quickly turned into a feeling of bemusement and horror when she saw that an ageing transvestite wearing a spandex jumpsuit and a cheap wig appeared to be standing guard at the front door...