No matter how hard they tried, Xena would not be woken.
She lay over Toni's lap like a deadweight, snoring, huffing, puffing and occasionally scratching behind her ear as she was lost in her dreamworld-cum-coma.
Tom was still angry that Christine had hidden the salted gin from him.
"What on earth are you talking about? Bonnie gatecrashing a wedding? Toni and Xena playing a huge part in it?" he asked Christine, who had assumed the brace position in the armchair and was quietly sobbing to herself.
"We must wake Xena, we must wake Xena," she moaned.
"But why? I don't understand!" said Tom.
"Thomas, sit back, relax... I will tell you the story," announced Toni.
And it went a little something like this...
She lay over Toni's lap like a deadweight, snoring, huffing, puffing and occasionally scratching behind her ear as she was lost in her dreamworld-cum-coma.
Tom was still angry that Christine had hidden the salted gin from him.
"What on earth are you talking about? Bonnie gatecrashing a wedding? Toni and Xena playing a huge part in it?" he asked Christine, who had assumed the brace position in the armchair and was quietly sobbing to herself.
"We must wake Xena, we must wake Xena," she moaned.
"But why? I don't understand!" said Tom.
"Thomas, sit back, relax... I will tell you the story," announced Toni.
And it went a little something like this...
It was to be the wedding of the year. Beyoncé, who had risen from sandwich dreams in the ghetto to being an international superstar, was marrying Jay Z.
However, she was not as entirely happy as she should be on her wedding day. As the sun rose, she sat back, sighed and thought about her life.
Very few people knew that Beyoncé was, in fact, a slice of bread. Hardly anyone could see past her diva-tastic exterior and see the loaf belief, that just wanted to be toasted. All they saw was a bootylicious babe.
She'd been dealing with this problem for years, though, so surely she could get through her wedding day without it becoming an issue?
The other problem was that she had fallen out with her BFF, Bonnie Tyler, after Bonnie had had one too many salted gins and attempted to perform root canal surgery on poor Beyoncé in her sleep. The row that had followed was immense and both ladies vowed never to speak to one another again.
As she entered the synagogue and saw Jay Z standing by the imam under the crucifix (this was a multi-faith wedding of course), she smiled. Things weren't that bad.
Then Xena and Toni walked through the doors...
It was at that point that Xena began to stir...
TBC
TBC
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