"Lemons and holiday photos... those are what make the world go round," said the wise man to the rabid bull.
Back at the home hub, Toni and Tom had just about finished covering Christine's entire bedroom with photographs of the trio in Speedos, bikinis and surfer shorts from their various holidays over the years; there was a particularly fetching one that served as the centrepiece of the collage in which the trio were wearing their leopard-print mankinis and bending over a plastic table chewing on halloumi.
"And that is that," breathed Toni as she slapped the last bit of paste onto the wall, "a collage fit for a foreign ambas... I mean a princess!"
"What? You were going to say foreign ambassador?!" interjected Tom, "Toni, why exactly has Christine been in Europe?"
"Well, it was supposed to be a secret, but the fumes from this paste have got me high, and I feel I should share," said Toni. "Christine hasn't been on a leisure holiday... she's been on a business trip to organise the European branch of the political wing of Tochto in order to get us some well-deserved votes from the Eastern bloc in Eurovision 2014!"
"Well that's tickety-boo!" sang Tom into an inflatable microphone he found under Christine's bed, "but why on earth did you want to keep it a secret?"
"Well," sighed Toni, "her methods are somewhat... unconventional..."
"And that is that," breathed Toni as she slapped the last bit of paste onto the wall, "a collage fit for a foreign ambas... I mean a princess!"
"What? You were going to say foreign ambassador?!" interjected Tom, "Toni, why exactly has Christine been in Europe?"
"Well, it was supposed to be a secret, but the fumes from this paste have got me high, and I feel I should share," said Toni. "Christine hasn't been on a leisure holiday... she's been on a business trip to organise the European branch of the political wing of Tochto in order to get us some well-deserved votes from the Eastern bloc in Eurovision 2014!"
"Well that's tickety-boo!" sang Tom into an inflatable microphone he found under Christine's bed, "but why on earth did you want to keep it a secret?"
"Well," sighed Toni, "her methods are somewhat... unconventional..."
"That may be," said the rabid bull, foaming at the mouth, "but the cut and thrust of continental politics is about what you do with those lemons and holiday photos."
Christine leant back, scratched herself and then scratched Boris Johnson behind the ears.
If Gail Platt the customs official had caught her, the whole European trip would have been in vain. Gail and Christine had a history, but the less said about that the better. Luckily, she had manage to drag Boris, her lemons and her suitcases into a taxi and she was well on her way back to the home hub.
Boris was gently squeezing her lemons and she was feeling thoroughly satisfied. What a successful trip! The president of Albania had been... well... suitably impressed, and she was sure she had secured enough votes for an eventual Eurovision victory. Who said the contest wasn't about politics?
As the taxi pulled up outside the house she looked forward to filling Tom and Toni in on her European adventure, but that sense of impending excitement quickly turned into a feeling of bemusement and horror when she saw that an ageing transvestite wearing a spandex jumpsuit and a cheap wig appeared to be standing guard at the front door...
If Gail Platt the customs official had caught her, the whole European trip would have been in vain. Gail and Christine had a history, but the less said about that the better. Luckily, she had manage to drag Boris, her lemons and her suitcases into a taxi and she was well on her way back to the home hub.
Boris was gently squeezing her lemons and she was feeling thoroughly satisfied. What a successful trip! The president of Albania had been... well... suitably impressed, and she was sure she had secured enough votes for an eventual Eurovision victory. Who said the contest wasn't about politics?
As the taxi pulled up outside the house she looked forward to filling Tom and Toni in on her European adventure, but that sense of impending excitement quickly turned into a feeling of bemusement and horror when she saw that an ageing transvestite wearing a spandex jumpsuit and a cheap wig appeared to be standing guard at the front door...
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